Even with the few interactions I had with him over the course of the last year, I knew that he was a wonderful person, respectful, hard working, full of integrity. I wonder about his life outside of work...did he get to experience happiness? Was he excited about life when he woke up each morning? Would he have chosen a different path if he knew that his life would be cut short?
My body aches for his parents. How will they ever come to terms with the fact that they won't be able to hold their son again? Hear his laugh? Look into his eyes?
I can't help but examine my own life and compare how I'm living to how I want to be living. How can I make the changes I desire but remain patient in the process?
As a mother, I can't push past thoughts of losing my own children. Imagining such a thing brings a paralyzing sadness over me. How do I ensure that Mae and Otto stay safe always? What can I do to guarantee that they are never taken from me? And, at the same time, how do I teach them to experience happiness? Feel excited about life each morning that they wake? Choose their paths knowing life is short?
These thoughts and worries are one of the great burdens of being a momma, a burden that I willingly carry knowing that the joy that comes with it, the deep love that comes with it, far outweighs the burden itself.
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| 'i ask not for a lighter burden but for broader shoulders.' - jewish proverb |
